Spirituality, Awakening, &Grounding.
There was big part of my healing journey that was not mentioned as much as it should have been in my first blog post. Mostly because I was worried about offending anyone or being judged. However, since this is a breaking the stigmas blog and I’m preaching authenticity, I felt the need to clarify and make sure this truth is told into my story.
While I’m definitely thankful to be on the right medication, spirituality was/is also a huge part. I wouldn’t have made it through without and it laid a solid foundation for the future.
As many of you saw through my previous posts, I attended Miraval Resort in Austin three times over the course of one year. The story of what brought me there and the spiritual aspects that pushed me to certain people cannot be denied. Call it God, call it a force, call it divine, call it the universe, call it whatever you want. Ever since that experience, my beliefs hold true that there is a bigger force, our lives are written in the stars and karma is real.
May 2021, I came across Miraval online and I could not get it out of my head. My husband knew I needed some time alone given I had been with the kids nonstop, so he bought me a 2-night stay at Miraval to relax.
The signs and synchronicity were unreal. I don’t even know how to properly speak of them without sounding crazy, but all I can say is I’m 100% sure I am not the only who has or is currently going through a spiritual awakening at this moment. It’s happening around the world. Look it up or click photo below for information. And if you are going through this please do not hesitate to reach out.
So, at the risk of sounding crazy, when I was at that high state of Zoloft induced consciousness, anything I would think of happened. Everything was aligning and it was extremely hard to believe. I thought about needing an eyelash fill and my eyelash lady text me 5 min later.
I kept seeing repeat numbers EVERYWHERE. 3:33, 5:55, 11:11, 2-22-22. I still see that actually but not as often. And no, I wasn’t just looking for it, before January I NEVER noticed any numbers. The things that were happening I had no idea what it meant. It wasn’t until I googled what it meant that I learned it held spiritual meaning. When I prayed, something came to me to repeat the prayer 7 times. Then I googled and turns out that repeating 7 times is a way of manifestation that speaks to God/Universe/Force.
The world cannot be changed with the same level of consciousness that created it.
Something came to my mind to download the song “Who I Am” which came out when I was in high school (2005) and the lyrics, well my grandmas name was Rosemary.
“I am Rosemary's granddaughter
...It's all a part of me
And that's who I am”
It felt like it was a sign which encouraged me to ask my dad for a picture of her and hear about her. I looked up her obituary online and sent to my dad. It was the first time he had seen it and clarified the non-factual information on it. I still wonder how she died as I'm not convinced it was an overdose. Yes, taken by suicide but the question is how. While meditating one time, I asked God/Universe for the truth and an image of her being in a tub came to mind. If you know what remote viewing is, well you know what I am talking about.
When I was struggling with complicated grief regarding our miscarriages, I found the girl whom I cheered with in high school blessing card perfectly placed on my dresser. We don’t even live in the same house when her gathering happened. For that card to be placed there after moving (I thought I threw it away honestly) is very ironic. After seeing that card is when I text her sister to see if we were still planning a miscarriage event in her memory. I truly believe she was pushing me towards her sister. We've since developed a great friendship. In January 2022, I kept thinking of her and Cinderella, and a carriage. I then asked her sister about it, and she tells me she was in love with Cinderella and was so upset that she didn't get to ride in a carriage after her wedding day.
The first 6 months of me being a stay-at-home mom I was trying to open a toy with a zip tie using a knife. The kids were fussing, and I couldn’t find the scissors, so I thought F-it, I’ll use a knife. The knife slipped through, poked my arm and blood just sprayed out until I held it down. I went to the ER and the doctor said I was lucky because it was 1mm away from a major artery. I still have the scar on my inner left arm. Divine intervention.
In regard to past lives, I couldn’t figure out why my mind kept pushing me to look up certain people. Then I read the people you tend to research or those who come to mind while in the thick of awakening tend to be who you were in a past life.
Souls that have been in past lives together, tend to migrate to each other in this life. Hence, the instant close connection with these people. This is why some people feel like home more than others and sometimes you just click.
Billy and I have been in several past lives together as confirmed by the soul guide we met at Miraval. So, I like to call it fate and that’s why he’s stuck with me.
I kept thinking about Sarah Good from Salem Witch Trials. It also felt like my husband was William Good and they had 2 kids, girl and boy. William Good turned-on Sarah when on the stand testifying. The fear of him turning on me came to mind often which was so strange. I went as far as to research this info about her family, while also downloading the Salem Witch Trials movie. Is your mind blown yet? At one point I felt like a rope was around my neck and had a panic attack. I’ve never seen or thought of anything on Salem Witch Trials until this year.
When I went to Miraval May 2021 my mind in the temple while meditating went to someone I used to work with and this strong push to reach out. I didn’t, because I hardly knew him, nor had his number. I also didn’t even know what a spiritual awakening was at this time nor past lives. Ironically the same thought came to my mind to reach out January 2022 while in Zoloft induced mania. Turned out this person has also had a spiritual awakening, took a course on past lives which I was heavily into during this time, and had been to Miraval Austin. To most, these conversations will bring about judgment, given spirituality is still very stigmatized. He encouraged me to read the book- Many Lives Many Masters. Pretty sure he was a professor to me in a past life where I attended law school but that’s just an intuitive feeling.
My triplet friends have also had intuitions of being part of Salem Witch Trial. During this time, my daughter started playing with 3 barbies in a barbie car, determined to have all 3 fit in and my mind went to my friends who were triplets. We connected and turned out they have also experienced a spiritual awakening 6 years ago. What are the odds? First people my age. Now four people that I was pushed to speak with that had experienced the same thing. All of which I was never close to before. We instantly connected on being on the same path. They offered tremendous support by not feeling alone in the experience.
Did I mention one is a sound healer, one is an astrologer, and one is a photographer? Sound healing feels like a massage to your soul. Not even kidding. Say what you want about astrology and not being real or the devils work. Everything I’ve been told since 2021 has come true and everything she describes about myself is accurate. It truly makes me believe that our lives are predestined.
It’s gets more interesting. She told me prior to my diagnosis that I experience two major extremes, that I have so much energy (mars in first house) and seeing those wide ranges of high and low can be hard to handle. I was like "I’m pretty sure you just described bipolar."-lol. To make this positive, I like to think I can see the bigger picture. She is holistic but after whatever she read, she encouraged me to get on and stay on medication to balance the energy.
I became very psychic to the point it was freaking me out. I never knew what this meant nor believed these types of things. I'll never forget one of the first times my friend spoke to me about my life through astrology and before she left, she said, "write down you are EXTREMELY psychic." She said she's never seen any chart like it. This is not to brag; it was actually very scary. In came medication, I have to function after all.
How did I not hear of this term nor incorporate until 2021? Probably because I was still deeply involved in organized religion. However, I think if this wasn't so stigmatized and spoke about in school and work, there would be a lot less people struggling with health problems and taken by suicide. Once you realize we are souls inside of bodies, you also realize our time on earth is limited and the only thing to do is leap.
I’m actually thankful that Tik Tok and Instagram encourage these practices through learning videos. It's trending and I’m here for it. I once meditated for two hours, and my mind felt like a slide show with memories in compartments. I was able to access some memories from current and past life. I had an image of being a mermaid on another planet, I had an image of my husband and I being on another planet, but we didn’t look like humans. I had a dream I was a queen that ordered a man to get his arm cut off. Very clear high priestess dream vibes, I worked with a soul intuitive on this. It truly felt like the Universe/God was speaking to me through other people. Is Bruce Almighty about a spiritual awakening? That also came to my mind to watch. Legit question. Watch it.
I can still meditate, work through the healing and access these things but the medication does dull it. I had to turn it down though because that kind of energy will drive someone insane. Hence, people going to healing centers. This is why it’s never a bad thing to ask for help when needed. In spirituality, precognition is a gift just like being a medium is a gift. We all have the ability to access these gifts, you just have to train your mind to do so. I accessed all of the gifts instantly with Zoloft, with no training and well, do not recommend.
I remember one of my sessions with soul intuitive she told me to go lay in the grass outside. She told me to put my hands directly on the grass and to take off my shoes and socks and put bare feet on ground too. She said she was getting images of a red emergency sign as a spiritual emergency. Facts. Major emergency. I felt like I was floating.
Everyone is on the spectrum, but some take medication to handle this awakening, moods, trauma and particularly people with high amounts of unbalanced energy. If you haven’t read Seat at the Soul yet, I highly recommend. Basically, the ground with bare feet or hands grounds us to not float and controls our energy to balance this force within us all. This is why it’s so important to connect with nature. My therapist actually included walking bare foot outside for 15 minutes per day as part of my new lifestyle.
I went to high school with a guy that after we graduated would go everywhere bare foot. We all wondered what he was doing. Now turns out, he had it all figured out.
This is what I mean by living off grid being desired by many. Grounding, connecting to earth and eating nonchemical induced food can heal most illnesses. Problem is we don’t have access to live off grid, especially with children.
Being raised Catholic I understand if this post freaks you out. I actually had a minor panic attack when listening to a podcast episode by Rachel Zoe talking about mediums, our intuition and ability to heal. I knew all these things were happening to me, but it was also the first time I had ever heard of it. My mind was having a hard time processing, to say the least.
I truly believe I brought myself down from that Zoloft induced mania episode with the help of others. I meditated and focused on my brain healing. Sounds odd but it was like seeing an image of an X-ray and healing light going through all the little tunnels and spaces. I would see myself standing on a string in space trying to balance and I kept falling and the string kept going up and down, up and down. While in meditation I would focus on it not moving and it took a few times to do that. Now I can see it, make it stick and occasionally do flips on it too. Mental strength is a thing that you can build just like muscle. Meditation and focus are strength training for your mind.
It’s been quite the learning experience the last two years in regard to learning how powerful our minds are and visualization to train it through spirituality. It’s not woo hoo, it’s not the devils work, it’s called spirituality vs religion. As they say, suffering is the most important teacher in life. Always remember if you are struggling you will get to learn things people on mountain tops never get to learn. Be grateful! It teaches us empathy, compassion, strength, and encouragement to help others.
After all, I think it’s pretty arrogant to think we are the only living beings in the galaxy. I mean, have you seen the picture of all the other galaxies? Each light spec below is ONE galaxy, we live on ONE planet in ONE galaxy. Imagine all the other life forms on those planets, in each individual galaxy. It's pretty mind blowing and hard to understand and most don't even care to think about it. However, realizing how small we are in compared to the bigger picture is very humbling.